I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
