I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
