im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
