I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize