You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
