i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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