On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
