he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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