I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
