You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
