i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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