The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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