i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
