Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
