i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
