Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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