Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
