I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
