do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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