I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
