i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
