Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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