How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
