dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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