I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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