I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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