worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
