i need an iv and a liver transplant
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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