her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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