My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
