Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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