My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
