Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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