party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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