Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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