I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize