He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We have so much sex to catch up on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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