You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
