you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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