I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
