She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
