Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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