drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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