I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
