I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
