if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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