i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
