You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
