Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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