this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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