apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
