At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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