shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
