What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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