They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize