cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
