The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think i have two assholes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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