If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
