Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
