you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
