it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
