I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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