Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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