What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
