On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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