obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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