Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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