this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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