yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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