Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
