So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
