pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
