I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
