I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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